a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
