This girl is more easily done than said...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
