best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Shame is for Republicans.
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