Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
