just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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