I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just gift wrapped bread.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
