How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I supernannyed him into submission
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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