but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
