I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
