So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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