i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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