I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
