Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
