Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
