dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
