My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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