Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
