We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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