sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
