I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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