i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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