she woke up with a sticky ear
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
