Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
