theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
