I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just cut my nipple shaving
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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