He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
