my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
