I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
