I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Houston, we have a squirter
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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