absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
