his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
