Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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