..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
