Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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