Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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