bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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