I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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