people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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