I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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