never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have fence marks all over my body
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
