Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
