i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
