Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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