People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
