Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
