Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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