Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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