Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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