Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
being pregnant is like rehab
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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