you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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