There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
