cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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