Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
