i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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