is your mom at the bar?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
